The recent CGI exploitations of Andrew Lau have been the central focal point for Asian movie bashing. Since the revelation that is "Storm Riders," Asian Cinema fans have been engulfed in a wave of computerized cinematic action. Lau's role in this issue is prevalent and certainly cannot be overlooked. While Kung Fu Cult Cinema's very own Mr. Luster had already proven a very good point that CGI is paving the way for the Hong Kong industry, we cannot over-pursue this struggle and let the "shroud of confusion" blind us from reality. The whole CGI argument is a cover up, a conspiracy if you will, to what we all should be paying closer attention to.

Andrew Lau is a diagnosed chronic Kristy Yang killer.

"What the hell am I talking about?" you ask. Well my friends, I'll open up a door for you; a door that leads into the sick, undermining world of Andrew Lau. Are you ready?

"What makes Andrew Lau hate Kristy Yang so much?"

When we think of the magnitude of Hong Kong films brought to our TV screens on a daily basis, we tend to miss the subliminal messages that are slowly creeping its way into our minds. Ever since the birth of "Storm Riders" and the inevitable cult following it spawned afterwards, Andrew Lau's black cloud of infamy began to rise. This is when Andrew Lau's dream became reality. His incendiary-like emotions manifested themselves into the form of pure hatred toward one person and one person only-her name: Kristy Yang. Why? Why her? What makes him hate her so much? I, myself, could not find a plausible excuse for this madman's reign of terror. The only thing we can do is analyze his movies and make certain that no one else will suffer the excruciating and embarrassing fate Ms. Yang has endured throughout her career. By all means, Yang is certainly not a dangerous human being. I do not at all picture her hurting a fly or even secretly passing gas in an open area. What does Andrew Lau have against this harmless homosapien?

Let us take a look at "Storm Riders." It's a beautifully crafted cinematic experience we will treasure for the rest of our lives, right? Wrong again my friend. That wonderful experience you had dreamed about every night while wetting your pants is a mere illusion. Remember; see with your mind, not your eyes. This epic extravaganza is actually an unrelenting manipulative force. Its creator, Ma Wing Shing, unknowingly scripted a destructive vehicle that would later determine the fate of Kristy Yang's deadly performing career. "Charity," a word that cultivates goodness. Its definition means to help those in need or lend a helping hand. But what does Lau do with the word "Charity?" I'll tell you what he did. He casts Kristy Yang in the role of "Charity" that's what. Lau sends Yang plummeting down to her doom after being zapped from a Sonny Chiba energy blast. This is a heinous act indeed. To die in the arms of your lover is one thing, but to die with ketchup oozing out of your lips while in a close up shot is a totally different scenario. Lau, you are a despicable human being.

"To die in the arms of your lover is one thing, but to die with ketchup oozing out of your lips while in a close up shot is a totally different scenario."

Why don't we look at another macabre attempt by Andrew Lau to kill Kristy Yang on screen? "A Man Called Hero" is our next case. It was a great movie, I know. However, it was an Andrew Lau movie. Okay, by this point in time, Ma Wing Shing had already been brainwashed by Lau and was yet again writing a screenplay that would place our heroine in a very convincing role as Jade. There's no director out there with balls like Lau. I mean it. The audacity he has in killing off Jade was a sinister idea. I don't believe he knew us viewers were keen enough to extract this subliminal message from his movie. It was difficult to understand at first. But when you watch it over and over, you'll eventually realize the real plot behind "A Man Called Hero" - kill Yang at all cost. With Lau having a grisly outlook in life, Yang dies an aimless death right after giving birth to Nicholas Tse of all people. Oh, the horror! You just gave birth to one of the coolest guys in Hong Kong and you don't get to say hi to him. Lau must pay for this.

 

"You just gave birth to one of the coolest guys in Hong Kong and you don't get to say hi to him. Lau must pay for this."

I see you're in a state of utter bewilderment right now. I know it's a bit much to consume in one reading, but bear with me on this. Oh, so you're questioning my theoretical viewpoints. Well then, may be the saying "third time's a charm" will persuade you to my side of the thin line. Consider this; a coincidence is accidental occurrence, right? Then why is it that in Lau's fourth CGI movie, "Avenging Fist," Yang dies once more? Yes, I skipped one if you're wondering. "The Duel" was the only exception to my argument. I couldn't quite place my finger on it, but after some Churros, chocolate pudding, and a keg of beer, I came up with the conclusion that in fact, Andrew Lau had become too inebriated to direct and handed it over to Andy. How did I come up with this? I don't know. However, Andrew Lau did not exit without leaving a touch of his madness. Kristy Yang almost dies of an inadvertent sword swipe from Ekin Cheng. Too close for comfort. She escaped from this movie and the embarrassment she would've faced in a press conference. You can only imagine the painstaking questions she could've been answering, "Ms. Yang, how do you feel about dying a third time in a movie and also dying in the first two minutes of the film?" It's a sad, sick world.

 

"Kristy Yang almost dies of an inadvertent sword swipe from Ekin Cheng.."

In his most recent sobered-up directorial outing, Lau got his revenge. The whacked out CGI movie, "Avenging Fist," simply massacred our young damsel. Here is Kristy in a movie exploding with computer generated effects, yet she doesn't even die of a blade or a blast for crying out loud. What does Lau do to her? He casts her in a role where she has to sacrifice her body and super powers for the greater good of humanity. Sacrifice? Suicide is what Lau forced her to do! The worst of all deaths in any movie is committing suicide. And even worse, committing suicide so that your soul can live on in the very same person who will take your place in the final battle. Andrew Lau killed her and stripped her of her dignity. She would have been the second woman, only to Cecilia Cheung, in Hong Kong CGI movies to be fighting in the ending scene. Now we can only hope for the best.

 

"Avenging Fist," simply massacred our young damsel."

"Death Becomes Her" is a prayer Andrew Lau preaches every morning before he eats his breakfast consisting of torn up pictures of Kristy Yang. It is also a low-key subliminal signal coming from the right speaker of your surround sound unit, which is commonplace for all his CGI movies. If you have already fallen into his trap, then you've already begun your anti-Kristy campaign. For the rest of us, we can only send out our prayers for her safety in the next movie deal she signs with Andrew. Kristy Yang, we are with you. Let's all hope she doesn't sign a deal where they bring her back to life in a sequel to "Storm Riders" only to kill her off again. Wait a minute, that's going to rock! Oh no sweet mother of God, Andrew Lau is getting to me, too . . .

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Mark Flora
03/07/2002