[KFCC] Snow Woman Review

Story: A man waits in a shack on a snow-covered mountain, waiting for a lover who never seems to arrive. He is snowed in, and over several days becomes more and more delusional, creating his own fantasies and realities, and wondering whether her husband has discovered the truth.

Review: The pink genre is often a strange thing to outsiders. Are they art? Are they porn? A bit of both? One thing is for sure, they represent a lucrative business in their own territory, but they remain largely marginalized for the rest of the world. If you want titillation, then why bother with a plot? If you want to see art, then how do you justify that a ‘valid art-house’ film is one of many genre films that runs in at a self-consciously short running time?

Enough with the questions, let’s start making some statements. Snow/Woman is the story of a man who goes up a mountain and goes mad from cold and boredom. It’s easy to relate to the boredom bit, because not a great deal happens. His hallucinations are sexual in nature, and that’s probably the only thing that will bring the punters to watch this dull, dull film.

Snow/Woman asks why we are prepared to go to such lengths in the name of lust and love, which is a theme that could at least have been explored with a little gusto. The pace is slow, and the direction static with long immobile camera shots, no music track to engage the audience or apply a little drama to the empty performances, which are usually hidden in darkness. The majority of the film is shot in very low light, which doesn’t help, especially when the DVD image quality is so low. A great deal of the running time is spent watching a black screen with a torch light waving around in the middle, or squinting in case you can see a nipple.

So what about the sex? That’s what you want to know, isn’t it? This is KFC Cinema! Most of you want to know about the girls! Well, ok, then. There is some softcore sex, it’s often in the dark, the girl who does it all is about 35 years old, and she’s ok looking when you can just about see her through the darkness. This isn’t a porno, right? The sex is used to tell the wafer thin story.

How do I some up this movie? Do I pander to those out there who may see this as an art movie? Try and cover my tracks unless I missed the point and look like a bohemian? Nah, sod it. This porno arty-wannabe film is a boring turkey, but with a little less gobbling.