Story:

Death vs. Kung-Fu Car Wash: A group of kung-fu enthusiast needs cash so they can enter a kung-fu tournament. What better way to make that cash than to merge the art of martial arts and car washing?! On their trip back home they pull a ‘Final Destination’ and cheat death. As you could probably tell, the people in Hell don’t take too kindly to getting swindled so they send a worker to kill them. These car-washing kung-fu fighters are suddenly in for more than they bargained for. What ensues is goofy shenanigans and ass-kicking.

Collection Agency: A group of weapon suppliers (mainly swords) send a huge shipment out to a customer. Four weeks pass and the customer still hasn’t paid. When the boss sends three people to collect dues, these money collectors and in for more than they bargained for. What ensues is goofy shenanigans and ass-kicking.

Mummy Dearest: An ancient curse has been discovered on the tomb of a mummy. If the mummy is in any way verbally abused, then it will be awaken from death! Three kung-fu enthusiasts decide to heckle the dead corpse and are in for more than they bargained for. What ensues is goofy shenanigans and ass-kicking.

Review: I was skeptical when I received my copy of Kwoon. To tell you the truth, I can’t stand these types of independently made films. I’ve seen some of them and let me tell you, a majority of them is a heap of crap. When first episode began to play and the phrase, “Bad acting, good kung-fu” appeared, I knew I was in good hands.

A big problem with many of these independently made kung-fu films is the actors take themselves far too seriously. Sure, they showcase some impressive fight sequences, but they could never match up to the big budget stuff that they draw inspiration from. The thing about Kwoon is they parade their weaknesses like it’s a golden trophy. Right off the bat they tell you they can’t act. Instead of trying to develop characters and unravel a deep plot, they just make up a simple story and saturate it with pure entertainment. And really, isn’t that what these type of films are all about anyways?

The man behind Kwoon, Todd Roy, resembles Sean William Scott in the strangest way. The resemblance is also accentuated because he is usually the one to take the humor to another level in these shorts. An ongoing gag in each episode is Todd’s nipples somehow get injured and bleeding uncontrollably. Also, he gets trashed (literally) and emerges with a condom stuck in his mouth. Immature? Yes. Funny? You’re damn right.

The fighting can’t really stack up to the Jet Li and Jackie Chan stuff, but standing by itself, it’s impressive. The thing that makes these scenes so great is the heart that went into it. You can tell that these people really have a love for what they do. Even though their moves won’t drop your jaw or make you go “DID YOU SEE THAT?! DAMN!, the sheer will and heart that went into each scene really gives Kwoon its character. If you’re tired of Jackie Chan’s bland “comedy” and you have played the Jet Li line “I am Yulaw. I am no one’s bitch. You are mine!” 200 times, then Kwoon will satisfy your appetite for comedic kung fu.

The trend seems to be that with each new episode, the Kwoon team gets better and better. Who knows, by episode 51: Gigolo of Shaolin, the Kwoon team just might be walking down a red carpet at its premiere! Todd Roy may very well be on his way of becoming the John Waters of kung-fu films. With gags such as the ongoing nipple-torture and the constant “I’m going to kick your ass!”-es, I think with more nurture, Mr. Roy may be able to leave a mark in the action film genre. In fact, he could possibly create a whole new subgenre! Seriously, don’t tell me you wouldn’t want to see ‘Pink Flamingos’ meet ‘Once Upon a Time in China.’ Who knows what the future will bring to the Kwoon team, but at the present, this compilation of Kwoon shorts will do. Like the back cover says, it’s like watching porn, but with kung-fu. Invite a couple of buddies over, pop out a few beers, and just kick back and relax with ‘Kwoon.’