[KFCC] Reborn from Hell Review

Story: Back in feudal Japan, a sorcerer summons the spirits of ancient Japanese warriors. Taking both good and bad and resurrecting them, the plan is world domination. On June, 6th at six o'clock (666, get it?), the skies will turn to blood red and the demons will conquer the world under the rule of the newly resurrected warriors. Chaos will become the new World order. That is, unless fearless samurai master, Jubei Yagyu, can put and end to it. It becomes a test of Jubei's sword skills as he takes on each one of the legendary swordsman.

Review: Sometimes a brilliant concept will come along and take us on a thrilling and unforgettable ride. Sometimes the plot of a movie can be fresh and original and leave the audience with their jaws dropped. "Reborn from Hell: Samurai Armageddon" has made my jaws drop and given me an unforgettable ride. This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life.

It's such a shame! This movie is a remake of the brilliant and fresh 1980's film, "Samurai Reincarnation." Taking the most famous (and infamous) warriors of Japanese history and placing them together in a movie should prove to be one of the most entertaining films ever! Yes, "Samurai Reincarnation" manages to deliver. So how in the hell can this half-assed remake suck so bad?! They had gold presented to them, but somehow, the director came out with total crap!

First off, the story is in place. The main focus of this film should've been in the action sequences. Well, amazing action sequences are traded for perverse and sexual mishaps. I call them mishaps because sometimes nudity is fun. In this movie, however, nudity is just ridiculous and terrible. The great Inshun shows up in the movie only to make love to random Asian girls. His major confrontation with Jubei can't even surpass his molesting of a Asian Goddess statue! All the historical characters are given terrible injustices! The Queen has to make love to a virgin with a goofy dildo mask! She also has one of the most demented and funny (horrific) scenes with someone's penis. Miyamoto Musashi (the greatest swordsman of all time) gets one of the most boring duels EVER.

There is absolutely no character development at all. Each character is basically presented with a woman, and what they do with her defines their character. As for our hero Jubei, he doesn't touch the woman. Therefore, he has to be a good guy because all the other characters rape their woman, except Musashi (at least the director didn't dig himself a deeper hole). There's a father-son conflict, but it's so underdeveloped you kind of forget about it. Some of the actors do a pretty good job in their roles, but then some of the other people's performances can barely surpass my kindergarten rendition of "Tom Sawyer."

The film ends suddenly with our evil sorcerer smiling and saying how cool Jubei is. Nothing is solved in this movie. This film presents a lot of problems, but Jubei manages to solve none of them in this one and a half hour crapfest. The solution to all the lose ends in "Samurai Armageddon" is obviously to make a sequel. Why stop at making one horrible movie when you can make two right?

I cannot recommend this film to anyone. The special effects are terrible. Yes, it was 1996, but come on, you can do better than this people. I wish I could say this movie is so bad you its laughable, but I can't. This movie is so bad you'll want to carve your eyes out with a rusty spoon and then maybe smash your head into a wall numerous times so you can forget about this movie. No people, I'm not kidding…it really is that bad.